As we approach the spooky and sensational holiday that looks to close October, I couldn't help but chime in about some of the best (and unfortunately worst) aspects of this festivity. Here they are in the notorious top ten form:
10. Smashing pumpkins only cements your adolescence. Please don't.
9. If you have an undergraduate degree, it's time to think about stopping trick or treating.
8. Ladies, if your not going as a prostitute, don't dress like one.
7. A Halloween costume won't resurrect a franchise. Or give it validity. Twilight fans take note.
6. No one cares if you go as someone from Glee. Unless it's the wheelchair kid, and then it's only because they have to.
5. Contrary to popular belief, Halloween only gives you marginal rights to be creepy. These rights are invalid if you creep on people over ten years younger than you.
4. NEVER, EVER TAKE YOUR COSTUME TOO SERIOUSLY! Don't actually speak cling-on, or come prepared with four chapters of Frankenstein memorized. Costumes are gimmicks, but nothing beyond that.
3. Know who's in the house while watching a scary movie. As a brother, I've suffered many actions of heroism to my face because of any number of thrillers. Please, know who your hitting before you try and maim them.
2. Similar to number eight, but not identical. It is never a good idea to go as a nudist. Ask your local police chief. He'll tell you.
1. Regardless of what anyone says, have FUN! Good, clean, legal, not creepy, clothed fun, in good taste.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
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